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True
Life Bonehead Experiences,
or How I Got to Where I am Today!: Part I
by Bill Burke
 Question:
Bill, how did you get the experience that has allowed you to
become a trainer?
Answer:
I made a lot of bonehead mistakes! (But, fortunately, I
learned a lot from them!)
Without the benefit of
proper training, unfortunately, some of us had to learn the
hard way. Even with the training from Boy Scouts, Army and
on, I would push the envelope of my youth and immaturity and
end up in some very dangerous and embarrassing situations
where someone had to help me out, or it took days for me to
get back home.
Experience
#1--at least the first one that comes to my
feeble mind anyway! Introduction to the Hi-Lift jack or, is
the real name for that thing "swamp-jack?"
I was around 14 years old
and I was helping my friend and his dad build a hunting
half-track/swamp buggy. These are not the ones you see
racing on ESPN. They were big contraptions that used
airplane tires on the front steering axle and rubber treads
like a bulldozer for the drive train. This one stood about
10 feet tall and could hold 4 or 5 "hunters," plus the
driver. The power train was a Cadillac 500 engine coupled to
the auto trans with a truck 4- speed bolted on for various
reductions. This particular "track" could get up to 50 mph
in the Everglades as long as you didn't hit a "gator hole"
and sink it!
Anyway, I was allowed to
drive it, since I put so much effort into building it, from
the launching ramp to the camp site. Of course, I hit a
gator-hole and blundered on in until the water was at my
throat. In a panic, I gave it gas and did a wheel stand.
Three of the hunters were immediately ejected! "Can you say
fish bait?" When I finally stopped the thing, or it actually
stopped itself with the tangled track that came loose, my
friend's dad looked at me sternly and said, "Now, you'll
have to fix it right and proper while we drink beer and fish
for bass!"
So my friend and I jumped
in to the neck-deep swamp and spent the next few hours
getting the track back on and tightened. We used,
extensively, a Hi-Lift jack, a very big hammer, and lots of
custom wrenches cut with a torch to fit the big nuts for the
torsion rods of the idler axles. Dinner was great that
night-- something about cornmeal-covered large-mouth bass
fried up with greens in the 'glades makes the day's travails
seem worth it.
Of course, now I look back
on it fondly! Ah, experience...
There are lots of
things--stimuli--that build up the life of
experience-gathering brain cells, and sometimes we get a
chance for a "do-over." In my rock and mountain climbing
days, we always talked about the "geologic" event--that time
when the rock moved with you on it, watching the avalanche
on the other side of the valley, seeing lightning strike the
top of the alpine cirque, sending boulders tumbling
down--you get my point.
Experience
#3,897: The geologic event of my 4-wheeling
days, or "the crumble."
Old mining roads in the
Colorado high country lead to some awesome views and even
some great challenging routes. They also lead to some VERY
narrow ledge roads. You know, the ones where the passenger
states, "Oh my, this is a great time for me to get some
photos!" I had a CJ-5 at the time. I just finished building
it for the season--304 bored .030 over, dual plane intake,
Mallory dual point ignition, roller rockers, Holly 4bbl with
the "off road" kit for the floats and seats, 4.27 gears,
Detroit front and rear, 33 Yoko Mud Diggers, dyno tested
337HP at the wheel. Cool Boy-Toy!!
All that didn't help when
the ledge road I was driving on decided to avalanche. The
edge of the road crumbled. About four feet started to slide
away. I felt the Jeep tip off the edge. I couldn't drive it
straight down. WAY too far. So I gassed it and tried to get
it to grab and pull onto the road ahead. The Detroits walked
me sideways further as the rig started its slow motion slide
off the edge. I had the presence of mind to turn the key off
and jump out onto the road bed. I dusted myself off and
watched through very teary eyes as my pride and joy rolled
about 500 feet. It was a really bad nightmare in slow
motion. It had a full to frame cage and, if I had stayed in
the harness and seat, I would have been bruised a bit, but
the cage and body were the only thing intact. Engine and
trans over there, front clip over here, axles somewhere
else. The next day I went back to part it out and load it up
into my friends' rigs to get it out of the woods and someone
had stolen my winch! Salt in the wound.
The reason I stated my
first thought was to turn downhill and ride it out was
because that works in most situations. On shallower hills, I
have used that when the rig slides off the edge. Just turn
downhill, power it up, and take the ride. I can honestly say
that it is easier to drive, winch a whole rig back up to the
road, then to try to figure out what to do with the parts
scattered about the valley floor.
My second thought was to
bail! I acted quickly, unhooked my safety belt and jumped
out in a safe manner. Thank goodness I did not have a
passenger! It was an open vehicle with no doors. Had I been
in a hard top with hard-windowed doors, the choice to jump
COULD have been fatal. Getting caught in the doorway as the
rig rolled comes to mind.
Each situation warrants a
clear head, quick action and definite follow-through. Always
thinking, concentration and ability go hand-in-hand with
good habits of off-highway driving. Keep the libations for
around the campfire where the most that can happen is you
will fall out of the chair, hopefully not into the
fire!!
Experience
#46: Deep water and oil do not mix; or, what
hidden stream?
My friend had just picked
me up in his 2-week-old brand new 1970 CJ-5, bone stock
Florida Jeep. We were riding around some pine knolls near
Loxahatchee on the eastern edge of the Glades. The swamp was
about two feet deep in this area and we were following an
old skidder trail. When I felt the front end drop a couple
of feet, I couldn't stop the Jeep quick enough. The next
thing I knew, water was flowing over our laps and the Jeep
stalled. Bonehead move!!
I tried to start the
engine. It made a solid noise and wouldn't turn over
anymore. (I now know it is called hydrostatic lock.) Two
kids in the glades, stuck Jeep, you tell me! I didn't know
who else to call, so I called my Scoutmaster who owned a
Land Rover. (This is where I got hooked on Land
Rovers.)
He had put special wheels
on the Rover that allowed dual tires on front and rear
axles. The 9.00X16 military tires all around with the
outside fronts of 7.50X16 really made the old Series II
Landy unstoppable. He drove right through the underground
stream and parked next to the Jeep to let me get into it. We
hooked up a strap with which he proceeded to pull the dead
Jeep out to the road and dry land.
This is where I learned
how to blow water out of an engine. I was the one looking
down the spark plug holes to see if any water came out. Once
again, mud got in my face, only with 150 pounds of
compression blowing it!
We had pulled all the
spark plugs out, disconnected the coil wire and cranked the
engine over after checking the oil levels and air filter
housing. The water blew out the open holes and we then
squirted some WD-40 in the cylinders, cranked the engine
over again to help dry the compression area, installed the
plugs, hooked the coil back up and the engine coughed to a
start. It ran rough for a while, but we actually drove it
home. Once back at the home front, we did a full service on
the lubrication, wheel bearings, etc. The rig is probably
still running today. If only the new owner knew the
history!!
Point is, that you, my
client, student, reader get to learn a lot about proper
technique, field maintenance, and gain valuable experience
WITHOUT making dangerous, bonehead, stupid
mistakes.
Learn from my mistakes and
experience.
Believe me, in my 35+ years of back country adventures I
goofed a few times. I am not afraid or too egotistical to
share those major blunders with you. After all, it is life's
unexpected lessons that help build our character and mold us
into who we are. "If it doesn't kill me, it'll make me a
better person!" WHATEVER!!!
I'll have a few more
learning experiences next month. See you on the
trail!
More
Bonehead Experiences (Part II)
©Bill Burke’s 4-Wheeling America LLC
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Bill
Burke's 4-Wheeling America LLC
